Having a truly horrendous week with pain/fatigue/brain fog......you know the drill. Winter bites me HARD....so much so that I've been doing a lot of daydreaming about moving to a warmer climate. Not sure that it would solve my health problems.....bit it's nice to imagine being able to live a "normal" family life somewhere warm and sunny. Anyway, enough daydreaming for now.
I don't really have anything exciting to post, except maybe a couple of pics of my boys.
Here they are with their cute cousins Jack and Cooper in the school holidays. I just love to see them all in their flannelette pyjamas. Not sure what Cooper (the littlest one) has done with his buttons though? Too cute....
And this pic is of Corey and Aleisha playing "Doctors and Nurses" with Jayden as their patient. The kids enjoy getting out "the doctor box" - a container full of old supplies from my nursing days.
Thanks for stopping by and to those who have left comments here recently, I really appreciate you taking the time out to do so. My energy is zapped so I'll sign off for now and be back soon hopefully. Happy Thursday.
I have been itching to have a go at pastels again. I'm intrigued by their texture, opaque colours, and the ability to blend them for softer effects. This time I thought I'd have a go at a landscape. This one was done in about two hours. I'm not very patient......I'm sure if I took a little more time, the results would be better. But at the moment I'm just practising.....playing with this medium to try to understand it.
Still struggling to get the fine details, but I am feeling a lttle more
comfortable. I've realised how important it is to work left to
right/top to bottom so you don't smudge what you've just done.
I also see that pastel paintings need to be sprayed with some sort of fixative, otherwise all the details are so easily smugded. Must investigate this further......any suggestions for a particular type of fixative would be greatly appreciated. I also have a very basic "trial" set of pastels to work with. If any pastel artists out there can suggest how to proceed with building a pastel collection (ie. brands, softness, etc) that would be a huge help. I think this medium is one that I could really fall in love with.
By the way, my lunch with my nurse friends yesterday was nice. But I have to say that hearing them all talk about the stresses on the ward, the huge workload, the poor staffing levels, the "Code Blue" that occured a couple of days ago, and the general bitching that occurs in a workplace full of women........well it doesn't have me chomping at the bit to get back to work! Nothing has changed in the two years that I've been away and it does make me wonder whether I should, in fact, be looking for work in another field. I'm just not sure my health would stand up to a return to that environment.
Hmmm.....maybe I should stay home for a bit longer and make art! Now that makes me super happy :) Anyone know the Tattslotto numbers for tomorrow nights' draw by any chance? It sure would help!
Tomorrow I'm going out for lunch with some of the nurses I used to work with. I left my job at "the hospital" over two years ago. There were a few reasons - I was dissatisfied with my working conditions, I was concerned about the staffing levels and patient safety, I didn't feel I was able to give my patients the care they deserved, the care that I wanted to give them......there were lots of reasons, but at the end of the day, I was becoming more and more unwell. The stress of my job wasn't helping; in fact, it may have been a major contributing factor. I just couldn't keep going.
I had, previously, quite enjoyed being a nurse - when the workload was manageable, when the mix of patients wasn't quite so acute, when there was time to really care for patients, when I didn't feel stressed every second of every shift.....when I was well. I liked that nursing was a profession respected by the public, I liked that I was contributing to my family's income, I liked that I was showing my kids a positive work ethic, I liked that they were proud that their Mum was a nurse.
Lately I've been trying to decide if I want to go back to nursing.......I really need to go back to nursing - financially. It would make life to much easier if I could just get back, even for one shift a week.
But I'm nervous. My health is still fragile and I am terrified of that first shift.....I mean it has been two years and I left nursing under such negative circumstances. What if my first shift is a shocker, what if I hit the fibromyalgia wall halfway through, what if I've forgotten everything, what if I make a mistake.....what if.....what if....what if.......?
I know that I just need to start. I know that I will probably be fine and that my fears will be unfounded.......but that first shift is such a hurdle. Plus, I would have to do an agency shift, which means I could end up at any hospital, in any ward, with any workmates......so many uncertainties.
Today Jayden asked me when would we be able to go on another holiday to Queensland. He wanted to know when I was going to go back to work, so that we could save-up again. I hate that I can't give him an answer. I so want to be the healthy, confident, wage earning, professional, contributing Mum I was a few years ago......
Hopefully soon......I guess when the time is right.
Sat up at the kitchen table with the kids last night and we all enjoyed some creative time. I used a photo of Corey blowing bubbles, aged about 21 months, to draw this pic in my sketchbook. Lots of fun :)
Edited 19/7/2010 : I've replaced the dodgy scan with a photograph of this drawing :)Still not brilliant, but a bit better than the scan.
Thanks for dropping in today. Have a restful Sunday
WARNING - this is a long wordy post, heavy with my artistic philosophising! If you just want a quick update, skip this one. If you are interested in my search for creative purpose, go and make yourself a cuppa and then read on......
Well, just in case you were wondering, I haven't disappeared off the face of the earth! As all Mums will know, school holidays often mean taking time out from lots of things to keep the kiddies entertained......we had a busy but fun couple of weeks with lots of activities and hanging out with friends and family. This week, with the kids back at school I've been taking some time to rest up and to recharge.
First up, I wanted to let you know that I have resigned as a Stampin' Up! demonstrator. After two years in the role I felt that it was time to move onto other things creatively. No doubt I'll still be using all my fabulous Stampin' Up supplies and I'm sure to be ordering more from my dear buddy Erica Boxall from time to time. My time with Stampin' Up has been a lot of fun, and I've met some wonderful people along the way. Thank you to the friends and customers who have supported me over the past two years as a demonstrator.
So where to now? As many of you know, I have given most crafts a try. Over the years I have dabbled in stamping, cardmaking, scrapbooking, photography, crochet and knitting, embroidery, a little bit of patchwork and sewing. That's a lot of creative experimentation! And I've enjoyed each and every one of these crafts, with varying degrees of success. I will no doubt continue to "dabble" in these things over the coming years - Lord knows I've got enough supplies in my craft room to last me for years! But throughout all of these endeavors I've struggled to really find my perfect fit. I have followed countless patterns and tutorials, and CASED many papercraft projects over the years and while I was usually able to do a good job of making something from other peoples designs, I felt unfulfilled because I wasn't actually creating something original, from my own imagination, inspirations and experiences.
You see, since I have returned to a bit of drawing and painting recently, I have realised that my artistic passion lay there all along. I have felt like I've "come home" to my true creative self. I feel like I'm finally listening to what my heart tells me I should be doing creatively. As a child, my family will tell you, that I constantly had a pencil in my hand, sketching scenes from my imagination and my life too. I spent countless hours drawing - it was all consuming. When I was drawing I was completely immersed in what I was doing. Time flew by and I was lost in my artistic bliss.
I longed to paint too and I have a really strong recollections that I was terribly upset about finishing kindergarten and starting at primary school because I wasn't given the opportunity to paint every day any more. In fact I remember that for my first few years of school, all I wanted to do was return to kindergarten so that I could paint. At school, my whole week revolved around when it was time for art class. At high school I absolutely adored, being in the art room and having the opportunity to play with paints, pastels, ink, collage, charcoal etc. I have a huge folder of my artwork right back from my primary school days, simply because I couldn't bear to part with my creations. Looking through that folder brings back so many happy memories for me.
So why didn't I continue? I guess it's complicated. As high school drew to a close, I was encouraged to focus on my academic abilities and move into a "sensible" career in healthcare. Understandably, my parents wanted me to focus on more stable career options than art. And so I thought I had to "grow up" and leave my artistic aspirations behind.....maybe someday I would return to them as a hobby.
Even in the last few years, I've been saying that "one day, when the kids are grown up, I'd like to take art classes, and learn to paint". I didn't feel entitled to focus on those dreams right now.....after all, I have 'responsibilities'. And to an extent, I really can't go off and throw myself into art school right now, for a few very real reasons. But that doesn't mean I can't make art. I have told myself for far too long that I am not an artist. I have never felt that I had enough skills, training, talent, imagination etc to be entitled to paint. But you know what? That doesn't matter any more. Maybe I don't have the training or skills that I'd like to have. Maybe I'll never sell a single piece of artwork. Maybe my work won't be appreciated by others at all. That is completely OK, because I need to make art anyway. For me. It is about the process of becoming completely immersed in the creative process. It is not about the final product at all.
I recently set about creating a mixed media painting, inspired by the words of Kelly Rae Roberts in her book Taking Flight. Her thoughts on listening to the quiet whispers of your heart really resonated with me. I realised that making art is something completely essential to me. It is the thing which feeds my soul. It is what helps me to look at the world with optimism and with appreciative eyes. After reading Kelly Raes words and learning about her journey into an artistic life, I suddenly felt the artist buried deep inside me, forgotten so many years ago, awakening. I was inspired to gather my supplies and just start creating. This is the piece that poured out of me in response to that awakening.
Whilst I was in the midst of creating this piece, I felt a return of that child-like joy I'd lost so long ago. Just allowing myself to play with paints and canvas, I felt my soul opening up, like it was heaving a big sigh of relief that I'd finally realised I needed to paint.
I am so excited that I have taken this first step in listening to the whispers of my heart. I have a feeling that the more I listen, the louder those whispers will be, affirming my decision to make art without focussing on the final product, but on the process of creating.
I look forward to sharing this joyful experience with you here.
